Needing to Prove Myself

Hello readers! Turns out you guys didn’t like my last post 😦 I only cried for like 3 hours, I promise! I DON’T NEED THIS NEGATIVITY; I CAN JUST DELETE THIS BLOG AND NEVER LOOK BACK. YOU NEED ME, I DON’T NEED YOU! LOL IM TOTALLY KIDDING 😛 I wish there was a funny “being overly dramatic for the fun of it” font, yet we don’t even have a sarcastic font, so I’ll keep dreaming.

I’m super tired typing this, so it will probably be short, but let’s see how if goes. Today, I had an epiphany! I’ve been worrying that I’m not good enough for the jobs I find on my job searches. This isn’t just “fresh out of college,” I’m too green nerves. I ruled those out when I couldn’t even apply for retail jobs, a field I unfortunately have years of experience in, because I felt like I couldn’t do them. HIGH SCHOOL KIDS DO RETAIL JOBS, AND A COLLEGE GRADUATE DOESN’T FEEL LIKE SHE CUT IT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? WHY DO I USE SO MANY CAPITALS?!

(***DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT MEANING TO OFFEND RETAIL WORKERS, I KNOW YOU ALL WORK REALLY HARD, AND YOUR WORK SHOULD NOT BE TRIVIALIZED. THAT BEING SAID, YOU KNOW IT’S TRUE THAT RETAIL EQUALIZES EVERYONE SO THAT A 17 YEAR OLD IN THE SEASONAL DEPARTMENT, A 35 YEAR OLD IN ELECTRONICS, AND A 63 YEAR OLD IN THE MEAT DEPARTMENT ARE ALL ON THE SAME LEVEL. THEREFORE, EVERYONE IS ON THE SAME LEVEL SO EDUCATION DOESN’T MATTER. NO OFFENSE MEANT, AND I’M SORRY IF I MADE ANYONE UNCOMFORTABLE. I WANT US ALL TO BE FRIENDS REMEMBER?)

So what’s with all the anxiety? I’ve done retail work for years, why would I feel like I can’t do it now? I’ll tell you what (HOLY PROPANE, I JUST TURNED INTO HANK HILL) I think it is. Having a Bachelor’s degree, no matter how minor it is in today’s society, I feel like I need to prove myself. That I need to be smarter than average or have this all together front, all because of the fought for, tooth and nail BA. I feel like I need to be better. I need to prove I am worthy.

I know these feelings are ridiculous, but I do have anxiety, as I told you, so these are the things my brain says.

I think I just need to push myself into jobs, and heck with being perfect! It’s okay to make mistakes. I’m human. I need this to be my mantra. Once I get into one job, I feel like I’ll be able to build confidence. I hope so!

Do any of you feel like you have to live up and justify this degree or is it just me?

I’m dozing off here. I have to go, but I hope I hear from some of you guys.

Until next time, keep being you!

Advertisements